Timelines

‘How far apart are they’

‘Don’t you love that age gap’

‘That’s such a great age difference’

‘Did you want kids close in age’

‘Wow- you went for another one, quick’

‘So close in age, that is awesome…scary…cool…fun…hard…etc..’

All of these statements, questions and more about the age difference between Kenzie and Emerson have been said by people. Sometimes it is people we know, others it is people we don’t, or at least not well.

Statements that people hear all the time, and say all the time without thought.

But here is the thing.

For many people, comments around kids age gaps can be hard.

You don’t know if the age gap was intentional. If they struggled to get pregnant and needed to try again asap, if they were lucky and got pregnant quickly-with or without trying, or any other number of reasons.

Like with us. Yes, we love the age gap between Kenzie and Emerson. But we also loved the age gap between Kenzie and Spencer. And would have loved the gap between Spencer and Emerson.

But people don’t see that our age gap is actually because of a loss.

People don’t see that our middle son was born when Kenzie was 18mos old, and that Emerson was born 14mos after him.

No one looks at our kids, not even 3yrs apart, and thinks there was another kid in between them.

But there was.

I had 3 kids in 4yrs. Not 2 kids in 4yrs.

When people comment about their ages, I smile and say that yes, we love their age gap. But I also feel a twinge of sadness, of guilt, that my kids true age gaps isn’t something people will ever see. That these 2 kids are the only kids people are talking about when talking about age gaps.

So when talking to people about their kids ages. Maybe keep it simple.

‘Those are great ages’

Kinda like how asking someone who has a kid, when they are having the next. You have no idea if they don’t want another, if they can’t have another, if it took them 10yrs to have their one, if they have been trying for 5yrs for another.

Or asking someone who doesn’t have kids when they will have one. You don’t know the why, and it could be and awesome reason or it could suck.

You don’t know the extent of everyone’s story.

So if they tell you, listen.

If you know, offer kindness.

If you don’t know, then don’t feel the need to ask, because it could be the worst question they are ever asked.

We know people mainly mean well- which is why we will never be upset at the person asking the question, just upset at the question being asked.

So yes- I love my kids age gap, but I would love it even more if our missing piece was here to fill that gap.