Too Young

I am 35.

I look to young to have lost a child.

Or at least that is what someone told me the other day, when the topic of kids came up on one of my mom boards.

'you're too young to have a kid that died...' was the exact way it was phrased.

I'm sorry, do you think that is something someone would lie about?

Sorry I don't fit your image of what someone who has lost a child should look like? But, it's true. It's my reality. I was 33 when Spencer died.

But here is the thing, any age is too young to lose a child. Children are supposed to outlive their parents. Full stop.

Would I have been too young if Spencer died when he was in his 30s and I was in my 60s? Because we were told that his conditions in their potential severity, that 30s would have been considered a long life for him.

So, how does my age impact how you feel about the loss I suffered?

Do you feel worse for me, because you can't imagine going through this at my age?

Do you feel better for me, because I am young enough to have had the opportunity to have another child?

Do you feel uncomfortable, because I am close to you in age and you don't think about these things in relation to yourself?

I'm not sure there is an answer to why I am 'too young' to have lost a child, but it is what it is.

I'm too young to do a few things. Retire, get a senior citizen discount, eat dinner at the early bird special, receive social security...and others. I am not too young however, to have lost a child. I am not too young to have had a child require open heart surgery. I am not too young to have made it through some of the hardest years anyone should ever have to make it through.

Maybe my being young is a good thing? I mean, after everything we have been through in the past few years, there is no way any year ahead of us could be as hard, right?!?!

We have hopefully far more years ahead of us, than we do behind.

So here is to the best being yet to come. Here is to the best being better than we could ever imagine, because the worst most certainly was.