The NICU

It’s NICU awareness month. 

Which, if you have ever had a child in the NICU, is somewhat a misnomer. Because for you, every month, is NICU awareness month. Hell, every day is NICU awareness day.

Even now, over a year past our last day in the NICU with Spencer, and years after our last day there with Kenzie. I still think of the NICU ever single day.

As I have said before,The NICU is the best place, you never want to be.

The only handprints we have are ones taken by a NICU nurse

No one goes into pregnancy or delivery hoping to end up in the NICU. Even if your baby is coming early or there are concerns, you hope your baby makes it, you hope your baby is fine. You might know in the back of your head that you are going to the NICU. You might say silent prayers about it. You might openly talk about it and prepare for it.

But no one hopes to end up there. 

Certainly no one ever thinks their time in the NICU will end with them leaving without their child.

But that is why the NICU is full of warriors. Every nurse, doctor, tech, parent and especially baby who enter the doors of a NICU are instant warriors. Some serve their battles quickly and leave with hardly a memory. Others fight long tiring wars that seemingly drag on forever and leave lasting scars. Others only know war and never leave the battlefield.

This is an image I had never shared, and is from early in Spencers time with us. It gives a small glimpse into the war we fought. Still, this was far from the hardest or worst of it.

That is the nature of the NICU and the amazing humans who work in them. To be there for any and all battles. To fight with you, side by side. To get you out of the war zone as safely as possible. But they go into their daily fight knowing they might lose some. Fighting for every tiny human they are given the duty to watch over. Moving swiftly from bed to bed but doing so with care and compassion. Taking care of their charges as if they were their own children. 

We were in the NICU for mere days with Kenzie, knowing while we were leaving, we would be back to other areas of the hospital for her care.

Spencer spent his entire 6 weeks of life in the NICU. 

Our family is NICU battle tested. Our family is made from those NICU teams.

Nurses sign a sheet for your kids room, letting you know who cared for them. Some cared for him for one shift. Others were with us daily through it all.

I have said before, I don’t know how parents leave the hospital without visiting the NICU. The knowledge they shared in the 2 days with Kenzie was invaluable to us as new parents. It is knowledge we pass down still.

With Spencer, our family survived and is still together because of the Doctors and nurses at the NICU with us. They are the reasons Dan and I could go home at night to Kenzie. They are the reasons we knew and were able to care for Spencer while he was there. They are the reasons we could advocate for Spencer and ask questions and push for information. They are the reasons, that in the end, we felt at peace as much as we could with making the decisions we made.

They are the reasons we can honor Spencer and talk about him and ensure Kenzie and Emerson know about their brother, without completely breaking down. One of the team members who was with us through almost Spencers entire journeys even came to meet Emerson when he was born in the hospital. 

You could see and feel her relief, that she was coming to us and we weren’t coming to her. 

Kenzie woke up at 5:30 this morning. But this is the view I got walking into my living room. Our Spencer tree.

The NICU is a place I think of daily, and while I never wish for anyone to need it, I know that if you do, you will be taken care of by warriors full of kindness, compassion, love, hope and understanding that I will never be able to say thank you enough for.