Vaccine Me
Yesterda I got my first dose of the Coronavirus Vaccine.
HELL YES.
I am sure many of you are thinking, how? what? how?
Here is the thing. This vaccine rollout was managed at the beginning by the worst, possibly most dangerous President we have ever had. He didn’t make anything federal. The states were left to their own devices and last week, my state permitted people with certain conditions that make them higher risk, to become eligible for the vaccine.
The first and only time having a heart condition has been beneficial.
Some of you might be thinking I should let others who need it more go before me, or some may be thinking, awesome. Whatever you are thinking, I am getting the vaccine.
You see, I had a baby during this pandemic. A baby who is now almost 11mos old. A baby who was born, a mere twenty days after the one year anniversary of his brothers death. A death caused by genetic conditions that led to respiratory failure.
Take that in. I had a baby during a global pandemic that was causing people to die from respiratory failure, almost a year to the month after I lost a son to respiratory failure. All after having a daughter who had open heart surgery the day after we found out Spencer was a boy.
Yeah. To say the pandemic coming when it did, and having Emerson during it was anything other than a complete mental, emotional, physical mind F**K would be putting it lightly.
And here we are, almost a year later. Most people haven’t met Emerson. We are closing in on a first birthday. A milestone we didn’t come close to with Spencer and one we should be blowing it out for with Emerson. But we won’t get to do that, because even with the vaccines starting, it is still too risky. So I pin things on etsy and I will plan a small party and it will crush me that it is all we feel safe doing.
It is a first birthday we actually get to celebrate and be happy for and not fighting back tears for, or we don’t get to celebrate.
Remember, Kenzie’s first birthday? We celebrated the shit out of it, but we were also terrified. She was one week away from open heart surgery. There was a risk her first would be her last. We are lucky, it wasn’t. But damn if I wasn’t looking forward to a first birthday for Emerson where we could just celebrate. I know, we are lucky that we can celebrate at all, but get off your soapbox Karen, I am allowed to be bitter here.
The above also highlights another reason I am pushing to get the vaccine. While kids are low risk, the issues they have had are generally cardiac in nature. Not something this family needs to F around with.
So yes, there are people who might be more at risk, but you know what?!?!? They can get it too. And my family is done being at risk. We are done crossing our fingers and hoping for the best. We are done thinking next year has to be better. This vaccine isn’t a cure. It doesn’t open the world back up the next day. It doesn’t mean you can’t still get covid or that you don’t have to be careful. It just means, our chances are better. Our risk is lower. Our ability to fight is higher. We might, sooner than seems imaginable, be able to be together again, to celebrate. To meet each others kids, to talk in person, to share a dinner or a brunch. To hug people who have been through it, and those who just need it.
So- Vaccine me. Because I am spent. The fact that after the last three and a half years my family is still standing, still moving, still growing, still loving and hasn’t collapsed on a damn pile in the corner is already a freaking miracle. So maybe just maybe I will do anything to keep it that way.
Oh and my second dose? Scheduled for March 29th. The second anniversary of Spencers death. So, consider the past 2yrs mind f**k complete and the understanding that my first born son is 100% looking out for us never in question.
To everyone who made it through this. I hope you are all safe. I hope you can all get vaccinated soon and I hope to see all of you, no matter how long it has been, when it is safe. When the world is safe and we can once again celebrate everything that has happened the past year. The good, the bad, the happy, the hard, the small, the big. It has all mattered and it will all be part of that 1st collective breath when we are told the worst is actually, really behind us and we are in fact on a path back to life.