Picture Please

When Kenzie was still fresh, as I'll say, not newborn as most would call it, but still new, we did newborn pictures.

Nothing fancy, but a friend of my husbands did them with a whole light set up, props, sheets, all of it. In my in laws living room, no less.

They were great- but there is something to be said for a pro who knows how to stage babies, doing when they are younger so they sleep, and knowing a few other tricks.

So, when we were pregnant with Spencer, I told my husband we were doing pro newborn shots- with Spence, and a few with the rest of us. That was my 'push and/or c-section present.' I was lucky enough to find a photographer near our new house who I loved, and who was also newer to the neighborhood who had a deal going for newborn shots!

Seriously- shout out to Amanda Marie Photography for being truly amazing.

I was so excited.

Then we had Spencer. I slowly gave our photographer updates.

First that we would need to wait longer to take the pictures, then asking about editing redness from his cheeks that the tape from his NG tube would create, then about holding off more, then, finally, about not getting to do them at all.

I was of course heartbroken over the loss of my son, but I was also heartbroken at this seemingly small, but meaningful thing being taken from me. From us.

Once we had some time to digest everything and get back into a routine, I expressed to my husband that now, more than ever, family photos were something I needed.

So, I reached out to our photographer, and got it set.

We did beautiful photos with the whole family. Spencer was represented by his moose, and we were secretly pregnant with the newest member of the family. His baby brother.

Our photographer was exactly who we needed in letting us be ourselves and making sure we could show our family how we wanted

We loved the photos and have some hanging in our house, in frames as well as canvases.

I have told my husband that I plan to get those newborn photos this time. Baby fresh, again with the whole family.

This time we have an extra special way of representing Spencer- while his moose will still be there. Baby brother will get to be wrapped up in the quilt my mother in law made of the onesies Spencer wore during his time with us.

Snuggled in his brothers love with Kenzie holding the baby brother she actually gets to meet and grow up with. I am already falling apart thinking about it.

We will add these photos as well as the few we have of Spencer that don't showcase as much of his hospital as they do him, in a hallway of our home. On that wall we also plan to mount the name trains we have for each kid. And that is probably where we will hang the quilt too.

Kenzie, Spencer and this little man. All three kids represented in the family photo wall.

I will never have the chance to take even one more photo of Spencer, so these matter to me.

I will never have photos of Spencer with his siblings- the least I can do, is ensure all of my kids photos are together, and for this babe, that means celebrating him as soon as he comes home, and documenting that as it should be.