That was random

Sometimes I feel like I have to bring him up in conversation.

Like if I look like I am having a regular day, or a good day, I feel like I need to bring him up just to ensure those around me of the fact that he is still on my mind.

That my good day is still a hard day for me. That while some days are easier than others, there is still not a day, an hour really, where I do not think about my son and the hole he left in my life where he should be.

I don't know- I feel like I am betraying him if I am doing ok or whatever and don't somehow bring him up. Like he deserves to be a part of everything, but isn't.

Awkward and a bit of a downer, but he deserves presence in my life, just as much as Kenzie. But people ask about Kenzie...

They ask about what she is up to, how big she has gotten, the usual. So she comes up normally. Spencer doesn't. So I bring him up around things anyway.

I mention my tattoo, or how I think he would have liked something we are doing, or how protective I would have been over him dating or not letting him wear a hideous shirt I see, out of the house.

He deserves to be part of life, not just in the bubble at home.