Stress

When I got pregnant with my 1st child- Kenzie, my doctor told me the best thing I could do was to keep my stress levels down.

So...

I started a new job 3 days after I found out I was expecting.

My mother had a few episodes of small mini strokes. TIAs they are called.

In fact, when Kenzie was born, my mother was recovering in the other hospital next door. I literally walked across the internal connection bridge to go visit her while I was still there.

Oh and my husband was starting a new job a few days after this baby was due.

Luckily my mom is doing great.

But it was far from stress free.

My maternity leave? We were discharged on a Saturday, and my husband started a new job on Monday. At 2 months old Kenzie was admitted to the PICU for a week due to RSV. One month later, she would be admitted again and need a small procedure on her throat.

When we were getting ready to be discharged, they found her murmur.

At around 6mos we were talking Open Heart Surgery.

My pregnancy with Spencer had to be lower stress, right?

Well, we found out he was a boy the day before Kenzies open heart surgery, and a few months later we had sold our condo, bought a house and were moving.

So...not so great on the low stress.

My maternity leave for Spencer? Well, you all know how that ended and that it was essentially all NICU all the time before having to say goodbye.

So- here we are, pregnancy three. Again, 'lets be stress free'... which, after getting all the genetic testing done before the 4th month, and knowing everything looked as good as possible, seemed like an actual option. At least for part of the pregnancy.

Until

Coronavirus.

Now? Now we are all living in bubbles, limiting doctors appointments, working full time while full time parenting our toddler. We are checking hospital updates daily to try and know if my husband will be able to be there when I deliver.

I was also just told that similar to my last pregnancy I am anemic and the iron pills, etc aren't doing enough, so now I am looking at a transfusion. Not the biggest deal, normally. But now? Now that means going into the hospital for a few hours, a mere week or two before I have this baby. NOT what I needed.

What I thought would be a calm maternity leave-with my husband home for a few weeks, us being settled in our house, Kenzie being with her friends at daycare, and us able to settle into life as an expanded family, has once again been laughed at.

Instead? Well...who knows where the world will be then. But, calm visits with friends and family, it won't be.

So- if anyone ever tells me to be stress free- I will probably start looking around for toads or quicksand or something because those words seem a bit like calling beetlejuice with me.

The one thing I have going? My Doctor tells me I handle high stress really well and my blood pressure is never worrisome. So- yay?

Through all these I have been lucky to have friends, family, co-workers who have done what they can to help ease the crazy. They have been great.

But, we could use a damn break already.

And if someone tells me to try yoga or meditating, I might actually lose it. Because if my issue was a little work stress or my kid driving me nuts, then sure, yoga it up. But if you think a little namaste is going to do anything for all this, then you clearly haven't had to deal with anything close to it.

Stress free is not the way I get to be.