Sleep…No Thank You

Dan and I joked leading up to Spencers birth about how much sleep we were going to miss. The sleepless nights, the long days. We took a nap when Kenzie did and joked about it being our last nap, as our kids would certainly never nap at the same time.

When Spencer was born, he was a sleeper. Very much unlike Kenzie who never slept as a baby. We joked that maybe he would be the sleeping newborn and be the toddler who never did.

Then we learned he wasn’t ‘sleepy’ …he was sick.

Now? Now we wish for sleepless nights. We wish the house wasn’t quiet enough to nap.

Now, people ask us if/how we are sleeping, not in regard to a newborn, but in regard to our grief.

Now, it is too easy to sleep. Too easy to nap.

Now, I would do anything to have his cries keep me up at night. Anything to have him need snuggles while I desperately attempt to keep my eyes open.

Now, sleep comes too easily and I would give every minute of it away, if it meant my son was here, keeping me awake.