Seeing Spencer

As one would expect, we see a lot of Spencer in Emerson.

Our kids look alike, what can I say.

But it is a strange view through which we see him.

Emerson is already lifting his head. He opens his big eyes and stares at us constantly, he lets us know he is hungry and eagerly finishes a bottle.

These are things Spencer never did. But seeing his little brother do them, a little boy who looks like him, it's almost as if Emerson gives us a little peak into what his big brother would have been like had he been born without any issues.

Like Spencer saying a small- hi.

Now we know Emerson is his own person, but I think all parents see some of their other kids in each of their siblings. You see traits they share, traits they don't, ways they are the same or different. It's the same thing, except we look at Emerson and see traits we think Spencer might have had, or how they might have differed.

There is definitely some of Spencer in there, because they both have this sorta purr when they are content. They both wiggle the same way when they want something, and they are both snugglers. Kenzie was not a snuggle bunny.

It's comforting to see a bit of Spencers personality, and quirks in his little brother.

We aren't religious people, but I think Spencer is around us, watching over us, and that he had a small hand in ensuring his brothers safe arrival and comforting welcome home.

That's why the timing feels so complete too. Emerson arriving just a few weeks after we marked the 1 yr anniversary of losing Spencer, and being home in time to mark the one year anniversary of planting our Spencer tree.

It feels oddly comforting to have Emerson home and settled before we hit that 1yr mark today. In just a year the family changed once again, but in a way that was full of happiness and joy. In a way that allowed us to feel more complete, to continue Spencer's memory with additional family members and add to those who will watch his tree grow, and be here with him.