October

Fall is my favorite season. October, one of my favorite months.

It's even the month I was married in.

It is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.

So...Another month I get to be a part of something...

It is a road I walk for the rest of my life. It is a month, a phrase, a remembrance that happens once a year for most- and daily for those of us who are a part of it.

I would think many people will agree, but maybe some will think I'm a b**ch for saying this. But, it is my truth.

A miscarriage- at the beginning of a pregnancy is not the same as losing a child that entered the world. Or was at the point of arriving.

I am not saying a miscarriage at all points is not as difficult as the loss of an infant. I am not saying the loss of a baby at the date of arrival is equal to the loss of a child you knew for weeks, months, or even a year.

These are different things. These are different losses. I understand putting them together. But to the people who lived them, they are different.

Pregnancy Loss and Infant loss are different. If you believe that the second of conception marks when that embryo becomes a child- then good for you. But don't try and tell me miscarrying at 3 weeks is the same loss as me losing my son at 6 weeks old.

It isn't.

Someone who lost a child the day they were born might look at me and wish they had the time I had. Someone who lost a child at 1mo might feel someone who lost a pregnancy at 4mo didn't suffer the same. Someone who miscarried might be thankful their pregnancy did not continue to a point where they lost a child at 1mo. Someone who's child lived 6 mos might wish their child hadn't been born just to suffer.

Everyones experiences are different and everyones feelings about it are different. So while I appreciate the thought behind the month, I would ask that anyone remembering, acknowledge that the people who have gone through the losses are different, we don't fit in one box.

While it is humbling to know many people are thinking of me this month, it is also hard to know how many people stand with me in their own losses.

I am not alone, but we are each our own.

I lost my son at 6 weeks old. Unexpectedly and without knowing he was coming into this world anything other than a typical baby boy.

6 weeks. 43 days. That is when my loss took hold, and it will be there for the rest of my life.