Chosen

Maybe we were chosen for Spencer, to be his parents because we could be there.

Maybe he knew the short time he would have here and wanted to make sure he could spend most of it snuggled as only a parent can.

(Don't get me wrong our nurses loved to snuggle him- but they had care to give to others as well.) And Spencer was a snuggler, through and through. Putting him down was the only time he ever fussed.

In the NICU there were so many empty chairs, quick visits, short cuddles. Parents who lived far, or could not take off work. Parents who for whatever reason could not be there.

I could be there daily. From morning til late afternoon. My husband could be there most days as well. Spencer would spend hours on my chest and hours in dads arms. Spencer would actually purr when his dad stroked his head. Something he did for no one else.

We could snuggle him, dress him, feed him, scratch his head, and listen to the doctors, everyday.

I brought clean outfits, swaddles, blankets weekly.

We left pictures over his crib of his family watching over him.

We left him little stuffed animals to keep him company too.

He knew love, as much as we could give, as hard as we could give it, for every day that he was here.

Maybe that is why we are his parents. He needed us to be.