33

33 is a year I would like a do-over on. A mulligan. A reboot, and start again for different results.

Instead-it will be the year that will have the greatest impact on the rest of my life. It will be a year I look back on as having survived.

33 started in July, with us telling our families we were pregnant. Again. I told my family on our annual trip to Door County. My sister about fell out of her seat at dinner.

It was followed quickly by celebrating Kenzies 1st birthday. A great celebration.

Quickly overshadowed by her Open Heart Surgery that followed a week later.

Days after surgery…on our way to healing

September was my husbands birthday- the sale of our condo- the moving in with my in-laws while we finalized closing on our new place.

October had us closing on our new home. We closed on our 3yr wedding anniversary. We thought it would bring luck. Hah.

November we hosted our 1st full family thanksgiving in our home. A tradition we hope to continue.

This was followed quickly by the holidays. The first Christmas and Channukah Kenzie could really participate in. The holidays we talked about how this time next year there would be another stocking hung, another 1st holiday.

January was trying to finish things before Spencer. Finally upgrading the car, getting his clothes washed, the Pack n Play set.

February- he was born. We went into the hospital laughing and joking. We had made it to the planned c-section day.

I’m a mess-but things were going well baby boy.

By the end of March-he was gone.

I got up and took photos hours before we said goodbye. We knew it wouldn’t be long, and I needed something.

April brought his memorial and our return to life outside hospital walls.

May and June were planting his tree and re-adjusting to the lack of adjustment to our home routine.

Now-July. Back to Door County.

Between these 12 months I have had great moments. I have also had lows of which I hope to never come close to again.

To make some sense of things, I am donating my birthday to Luries Children Hospital for this year. In honor of Kenzie.

Don't worry- I am slowly working on something for Spencer as well, but his will be more of a lasting legacy and requires a bit more time.

Here is to 34- It can NOT possibly be harder than 33. Please.