Not a secret club
New Zealand passed leave around miscarriage the other week and it was celebrated around the world, but we will all wait and see who follows suit and acts on it. The U.S. certainly won’t. Since giving birth and bringing home a child already gets nothing, losing a child most certainly isn’t on their minds.
Expect in the case where they would like to prosecute us for it. Which, don’t get me started, I am beyond disgusted with this country and it’s abortion, miscarriage, etc BS. Makes me sick. Anyone voting on that I encourage to come visit me and have a chat. Read my blog. Suffer a loss yourself. Your tune would be different.
Anyway…
The other day the Spencer tree and how we buried his ashes with a tree came up and my friend goes, ‘Just like Chrissy Teigen?’
Well, yes, but no, because my loss was well before hers and my tree was planted before it was something she needed to do. So it wasn’t some trend I followed, it was my own journey and I love that her journey has a tree too, but that is it.
‘So do you talk’ my friend continued. I’m sorry. Do I talk to Chrissy Teigan? Um. No.
It isn’t like loss of a child gets you into some secret club where everyone gets to meet everyone else and support each other and be there.
Losing a child doesn’t suddenly make you BFFs with anyone else who has experienced the loss. I don’t get some sort of contact guide for those who have buried their children the same way I have. Like, would I love to talk to her? Yeah. But my loss and her loss don’t suddenly shoot a loss symbol into the sky alerting us to come together and unite.
There are support groups, meetings, connections, sites, etc to help connect people, but it isn’t instantaneous and I personally, didn’t find a fit.
So while I appreciate those with voices, using them to bring awareness to this kind of loss, and what we go through, please, don’t think I suddenly know everyone who has gone through what I have, or that they know who I am, at all.
Like I said, if they find me, great, that connection of loss is powerful and I would love more allies in my life who have been through it, but it isn’t something I got some secret passcode E-vite for.
Maybe someday some tech guru will experience this type of loss and create an app for that…that figures out your type of loss, etc and connects you accordingly, but until that day comes, sorry, no auto connections.
Now-I would be remiss if I didn’t add a special action request to the blog as we continue to watch women’s rights be destroyed or at least attempted across the country:
If reading my blog has touched you, if you feel connected, if you understand loss. I encourage you to take action-donate to politicians who support women’s rights. Make your voice loud against those who do not. Email, call, donate, do something. Because while my loss was already unbearable, I can not imagine if it had happened earlier, or during my pregnancy and I had to think about legal ramifications not simply healing.
Reminder, this post is becoming more and more relevant and I wish it wasn’t.